Throughout my entire life, I go through periods of dormancy. It is hard to make a decision, duties and responsibilities are onerous, and the creative side is stagnant. And then the morning arrives when I am ready to pick up and do and go – the world is new and exciting and intense. Today is such a day, and it is grey and gloomy with the threat of rain. Usually hot chocolate, a fire, a good book, some knitting come to mind, but instead, my mind is revving up.
The last few weeks seem to have been a sea of angry, needy, demanding people who only want me to meet their requests. Never mind how their wants affect everyone else in the group, or me, or how their presentations negate any desire I may have to help them in the first place. Nor, it seems, do they ever stop to think that if they constantly demand and require that reciprocity may be something to consider! This kind of environment probably makes the best of us shut down, and that is exactly what I have done. Honestly, all this emotion has been overwhelming.
So what has brought about this change? I finally blew up yesterday at one individual who has demanded so much, and yet cannot get it that my requests, petty as they may seem, are equally valid. Yeah, that individual got mouthy, but the support from the rest of the people who witnessed it – and who have had to deal with this jerk – was great. I felt badly all day because I don’t like losing it, but sometimes you just have to let someone have it. I did, and now I am done, the line has been crossed. I’ve put up with the crap and shut down as a result.
In addition to this, I have found that, while I am enjoying photography and see where it can lead me, changing how I look and see things, I really need to have something in my hands through which I can put my manual energies – knitting needles, a paint brush. I really miss it when I don’t do it – I don’t feel like me anymore.
I expect I should make a concerted effort to remember this, and always have something at hand to work on, and making sure I do just that. Completing something with my hands gives me a very strong sense of satisfaction, and keeps me from going nuts. And if I look at my career counseling background, to not do this is anathema to my personality! I am an AIR combo of the RIASEC codes – artistic, investigative, realistic. Create, figure out, do it in the physical world.
So, this morning, up at 5 a.m.; coffee, essay, questions and answers for a test, update computer, download software, finish off a hat and mail it away, begin design for a new one, continue the shawl and mitts, think about and consider the photography class assignments.
Hibernation is over.